This may become a weekly entry because Bill Simmons "Sports Guy" of ESPN.com's Page 2 cracks me up constantly, but I definitely needed to share this one.
Keep in mind that he is from the Boston area so naturally thinks Peyton Manning is a whiny bitch:
"You better sit down -- I'm about to say something nice about Peyton Manning. I sat in the Martha's Vineyard airport watching him steal that Minnesota game with a bum knee and a ravaged offensive line -- after unleashing a Hall of Fame Manning Face in the first half, no less -- and the thing that stood out was how, after a certain point, when Minny kept blowing chances to blow that game wide open, it became patently clear that Manning was going to make the Vikings pay, no matter how grim things looked. Now that, my friends, is a great player. I now will wash my eyes out with paprika."
... I haven't laughed so hard since Homer Simpson's "Yes Marge I will be nice to them, and then I will hug some snakes. Yes - I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes!"
EDIT: OK, I should have finished the article, 'cause here's another one:
"...I worked in a restaurant once upon a time -- you can't tell me you "don't know where the remote is" when we both know you are just more interested in texting your friends. By the way, that was me who went into the bathroom and peed all over the toilet seat."